theartofhealingbytrevor

There's an incredible phenomenon that was discovered by the worlds best researchers in the field of romantic relationships. It's a phenomenon called the negative cycle. It's an observable pattern that you can find in nearly every romantic relationship. This pattern is exaggerated when someone with an anxious attachment is paired up with someone with an avoidant attachment. What researchers found is that when couples are stuck in the negative cycle, they become more fearful, anxious and reactive, which creates conflict and disconnection. This negative cycle is where underlying fears that stemmed from childhood are provoked, such as the fear of not being good enough to fear of abandonment the fear of rejection and so on. I have been privileged to work with some of the worlds, best therapist who have worked directly with these researchers to find tangible ways of getting out of the negative cycle. I'm going to be teaching you how to get out of the negative cycle for free this month during my live workshop called the Connected, Safe, Secure Workshop! You can sign up through the link in my bio. Make sure to sign up today because space is limited! #healthyrelationships #connection #securerelationships #secureattachment #couplestherapist #couplestherapy

My name is Trevor and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist. I am hosting a FREE event on March 25th called “Connected, Safe and Secure” where I will be giving you a road map to creating healthy relationships. We will look at everything from increasing emotional regulation to facing the trauma of the past as you look to build more healthy, loving, and thriving relationships. Check out my bio for the link where you can reserve your seat! #healthyrelationships #securerelationships #marriagetherapist #couplestherapy #couplestherapist #secureattachment

I might be the only therapist who tells you to stop talking about your problems, but most of the time when you talk about “the problem”, you are talking about the story and not the "real problem." There is an important difference between “the story” and the “emotional experience.” The story is… 📕Circumstances (I'm doing the dishes alone every night) 📗What was said (Then I said…) 📘What you and your partner did (You then…) When you talk about the story you end up spending hours trying to convince each other that your version of the story is right and the real problem goes unaddressed. The real problem is in the ✨emotional experience✨ 🧼You say that you're doing the dishes alone, but that's not the problem. The problem is the emotional experience of feeling isolated and lonely in the relationship. 👷🏼‍♂️Your partner gets defensive, saying the problem is that they work hard for this family and nobody appreciates it, but that's not the problem. The problem is in the emotional experience of feeling hurt and unimportant. 😤You criticize you them, saying the problem is that they never listen to you, but that is not the problem. The problem is in the emotional experience of feeling the pain of not being heard by the person you love the most. When you talk about "the problem" (aka the story) you miss the real problem and unknowingly create new “problems.” ie: You get defensive about your version of the story, or maybe you get critical and judgmental of your partner trying to point out that they are the problem. The real problem or the emotional experience becomes more negative, more hurtful, and less safe. The key to creating safety in a relationship is in: 💖Learning how to shift away from the story 💖Address the emotional experience with empathy 💖And seek to create new safe and positive emotional experiences. I don't expect you to learn how to do that on your own. 💻 The Healthy Lover’s course is on sale right now for a limited time. Learn to become a more healthy lover for the person you love the most. See the link in my bio for details. 🔗 #couplestherapy #couplestherapist #communication #relationships #conflictresolution