Lizzie Tilia

I unintentionally healed my relationship with the Catholic Church in my own silly way that ended up becoming a deep and powerful process. I grew up SO catholic. And by so catholic I mean, my parents still go to church together everyday. My parent’s house looks like the Vatican with artwork, statues, and relics that they mulled from Europe and Latin America back to the US. Jesus and Mary and all of the saints watching you in every room. This journey started with my ex partner saying, “I think it’s time we reclaim prayer and god in our own way.” To my surprise I cried, hard. Because rejecting it was hurting me and I didn’t know how to navigate healing that. I think my spirit was waiting for someone that I loved and trusted to invite the possibility of reconnecting in my own way. The concept that I could reclaim it in whatever way I wanted to was a form or reparenting my inner child. She was stuck with the associations of the very rigid rules around how she could and couldn’t interact with the deities, energies, and phenomenon she grew up with. As a little girl, I’d sleep in church because the energy was so relaxing to my nervous system. I loved the smells of the incense and the songs were so beautiful to me. Obviously, it impacted me negatively in so many ways that need no explanation because we are all collectively unwinding the inner knot that religion directly or peripherally created within ourselves and culture. Reconnecting with Jesus started with calling him “hot 33 year old Jesus.” There was something healing about being allowed to say his name again. Connecting with the divine masculine of unconditional love was something my inner child needed. Because love in the human realm is so conditional. Acknowledging that Jesus is an energy exists that exists was beautiful because when I was little I had some fleeting experiences of feeling that unconditional love. I still don’t pray to him but the loosening of rigidity and rejection around him shifted something big. Then Mary came in. She kind of kicked the door down for me in a really powerful yet feminine way. During an Akashic record reading with a client I saw a thin long light, then it turned into a tall being of light. It silently stood there and softly introduced herself as Mary Magdalene. It felt like my heart was starting straight into the sun. I was moved to tears, that had never happened to me in a reading before. She was so loving, gentle, present, and full of love. She had a message for my client but to me she just smiled and said, I’m here. So after I was driving and on the street just saw a vendor selling this little statue of Guadalupe. I drove past it for three days and finally stopped. I thought, ok it’s time I let the divine feminine in to show her that I know she is here and I’m here too. Once she came in she started to come into my field when I prayed. I’ve woven her into so many songs that I sing during my practice and I’m able to access that feeling from the reading. Powerful feminine presence and love. Now that I have it in my house I feel oddly connected to my parents and see and respect their journey. The Catholic Church makes sense for them and I’m so happy they found something they feel so deeply connected to that they still devote most of their life to it. The craziest thing was once I respected their beliefs they started to respect mine, deeply. In the last several years I’ve blossomed a deep devotion to mostly Eastern deities. Prayer, chanting, mantra. But slowly I’ve witnessed this little dance happening on the sidelines of all the angels and saints that were so present for me in my childhood playing with me in these little silly ways. Coming into readings, asking to be woven into songs, and showing up on the side of the road. It fills me with love and awe how patient they are and how much they respect my timing and openness. 🪷