Nadia Addesi

We all develop habits or behaviors over time, often from childhood or experiences with trauma. These can shape how we navigate the world without us realizing it. For example, you might isolate when things feel overwhelming, become a perfectionist to avoid criticism, or shut down emotionally because showing feelings wasn’t safe. These were adaptive strategies that helped us survive difficult situations, but over time, they can hold us back. It’s never too late to work through these things. The first step is awareness. Understanding why we do certain things gives us the power to change. Here’s how you can start: 1. Acknowledge the behavior without judgment: Notice when these patterns show up without beating yourself up. You’re not “broken” for doing what you needed to survive. 2. Challenge the narrative: Ask yourself, “Is this still helping me? Is it still necessary?” Just realizing these habits don’t have to control you can be empowering. 3. Replace old patterns with new ones: Start small. If you isolate when overwhelmed, try reaching out to someone, even briefly. If perfectionism is a go-to, give yourself permission to not be perfect every time. 4. Be patient with yourself: Healing isn’t overnight. But every step forward is progress. Recognizing these patterns and making changes isn’t easy, but it’s a powerful step toward living a life that aligns with who you truly are. You’ve got the strength to grow, and you don’t have to do it alone. 💛@Kourtney • hormones & trauma

TIPS HERE: One of the biggest things I struggle with because of ADHD is executive dysfunction. I know I am not alone with this as executive dysfunction is a common challenge among those with ADHD. If you don’t already know, executive dysfunction disrupts the brain’s ability to regulate and manage higher-level functions. Sometimes it feels like what I said in this video, the desire to do things but feeling stuck. For years I thought it was laziness & a lack of motivation but it’s not. People who struggle with this often: - have time blindness - have a hard time organizing their thoughts & actions - struggle to start projects or complete projects - feel unproductive - procrastinate - forget things easily - dissociate - struggle with mood Note: this does not just apply to ADHD , but can also occur in other neurodevelopmental or neurological disorders. Here are some tips I have been implementing to help myself & my clients: 1. Break all your tasks into smaller tasks. When I say small, I truly mean small such 5-10 minutes. Larger tasks overwhelm us, we need to make them seem more manageable. 2. Set visual reminders! Put sticky notes around, write things down on paper or even use the background of your home screen to remind you what you need to be done 3. Recently, we had @nasneuro on our podcast who gave the amazing suggestion of doing the most difficult or dreadful task first. Once you get this out of the way, the motivation will follow 4. Establish routines. I know, this is a common suggestion for ADHD but it’s for a reason. Having a consistent schedule can help reduce decision-making fatigue and increase productivity. 5. Have an accountability partner where you both check in one one another and hold each other accountable. This will help you have more of a reason to complete your tasks 6. Make sure your basics are taken care of. Ensure you’re sleeping, eating & moving your body! Ib @olivialutfallah ❤️ . . #MentalHealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness

And she will. Four years ago, I went through the wildest experience of my life. There were many calls with the police, but the one I’ll never forget was when the officer advised me to leave the country. I was receiving daily death threats from someone who hated me so much, I had no choice but to leave. I had to move. I had to stop practicing. I had to look over my shoulder every minute. I had to miss important moments with the people I love most. And I had to change. Not because I wanted to, but because I was scared. It was clear this person knew things about me they shouldn’t have. The messages weren’t just words, they were specific, unsettling, and felt way too personal. This all started because I posted mental health videos and because I’m a young woman. I get so many comments asking, “What happened to your content?” or “ I miss your old content” and this is the answer. It hasn’t been easy coming back. Getting in front of the camera again, or even finding the same love for this work, has been hard because of what it took from me. Every time I post, I’m in survival mode. But I’m done letting someone else control my narrative. I’d be lying if I said the fear was completely gone, but I’m finding that love for this again, more and more as I reconnect with this community and what it stands for. I’ll share more soon. But for now, it just feels good to get it out there.

My favourite quote as a therapist.

Why do I stay up so late even when I’m exhausted? As a therapist, I hear this question all the time, especially from trauma survivors. For a lot of people, those late-night hours feel like the only time life slows down enough to breathe. If you grew up in a chaotic or emotionally unpredictable environment, nighttime may have been the only time things felt calm or safe. You weren’t getting interrupted, judged, or expected to be “on.” Staying up became your way of claiming peace and control. Even in adult relationships, that same pattern can show up. Maybe you find yourself up scrolling late at night after a long day of caregiving, people pleasing, or navigating conflict because it feels like your time…no pressure, no demands, just quiet. Remember: If staying up late is truly your peaceful time and it works for your life, there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to change what’s working for you. But if it’s impacting your overall health, sleep, or daily functioning, if you’re waking up exhausted and it’s affecting your ability to be present or productive, here are a few tips to help shift that pattern: 1️⃣ Create a mini version of your nighttime peace earlier in the day. Set aside even 10 to 15 minutes where you can fully relax and do something calming for yourself without guilt. 2️⃣ Set a calming nighttime routine. Dim the lights, put your phone on “Do Not Disturb,” or read something soothing to help signal your brain it’s safe to rest. 3️⃣ Journal or reflect before bed. Write down anything on your mind, even just random thoughts, so your brain doesn’t feel like it needs to stay awake to hold onto them. 4️⃣ Start small. You don’t need to suddenly start going to bed hours earlier. Try easing back by 15 minutes at a time to slowly adjust your body to the new schedule. Remember, the goal isn’t to force yourself into something unnatural. It’s about figuring out what balance feels supportive for you and prioritizing your well-being on your own terms. 💛

As a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how many people struggle with shyness or holding back, especially when it comes to showing their true selves around others. The truth is, this behavior often starts in childhood. As children, we’re naturally expressive and curious. But when that natural self-expression is met with judgment, criticism, or rejection, we can start to internalize the belief that it’s safer to hold back. Maybe you were told to be quiet, or your ideas were dismissed. Maybe you were punished for being too loud, too emotional, or too different. Over time, these experiences can lead to a shift in how we see ourselves and the world around us. We learn to suppress our authentic selves in order to avoid pain or rejection. This doesn’t mean you’ve lost your true self, it just means that, at some point, your brain learned that it wasn’t safe to be fully visible. And so, you adapted by becoming more reserved, quieter, or even introverted. But just because this was a coping mechanism in the past doesn’t mean it has to define you now. If this resonates with you, here are a few tips to start reconnecting with your authentic self: 1. Reflect on Your Childhood: Take time to think about your early experiences. Were there moments when you were criticized for being yourself? Understanding where this pattern came from can help you approach it with compassion. 2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: If you’ve internalized the idea that being yourself leads to rejection, it’s important to challenge those beliefs. Start by testing small interactions where you allow yourself to be more authentic. Notice how people react, not all feedback is negative. 3. Practice Self-Compassion: Being hard on yourself for holding back is only going to make it harder to break the pattern. Instead, be gentle with yourself. Understand that you did what you needed to do to protect yourself at the time. 4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Spend time with those who accept you for who you are. Positive, affirming relationships can help rebuild your confidence and sense of safety. 5. Gradual Exposure: Start by expressing yourself in small ways. Share a thought, an opinion, or a feeling with a trusted friend or family member. The more you practice, the easier it will become to show up as your authentic self. Disclaimer: sometimes people are just shy, and that’s okay too! Remember, it’s not about suddenly changing who you are. It’s about unlearning the fear that held you back and allowing yourself to be seen again. Growth takes time, but with patience and self-compassion, you can rediscover that vibrant, expressive child inside.

A lot of the ways we act or think about ourselves today come from experiences we’ve had and experiences that shaped us and taught us to adapt in certain ways to survive. We’re often quick to label ourselves as “shy,” “lazy,” or “too much,” but the truth is, these behaviors are often survival mechanisms we developed to protect ourselves from past hurt, disappointment, or rejection. It’s easier to stay small, keep quiet, or push our needs aside when we’ve learned that doing so kept us safe or made life more manageable. These coping mechanisms don’t have to define us. They worked at one point in time, but we don’t have to carry them with us forever. Start by giving yourself grace. Understand that these behaviors were there for a reason, they were the tools you had to survive. But now you can start choosing new tools. It’s okay to set boundaries, ask for what you need, and challenge those beliefs you’ve held about yourself for so long. You don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns just because they’ve been with you for a while. The key is to be gentle with yourself as you unlearn these responses. Practice self-compassion, take small steps, and remember that healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. You’re not broken; you’re learning to live in a way that’s more aligned with who you really are, not who you had to become to survive. You’re allowed to take up space, to rest, and to ask for what you need. Start there, and know that you’re doing the best you can.

Most people don’t realize this, but your brain is constantly searching for evidence to confirm the stories you tell it. It’s called confirmation bias, and it happens whether we’re aware of it or not. For example, if you tell yourself, “Nothing ever works out for me,” your brain will start scanning your life for proof of that, zeroing in on every setback or failure, while conveniently ignoring any moments of success or progress. It doesn’t mean your life is actually full of failure, it just means you’ve conditioned your brain to notice only the evidence that fits that belief. This happens because our brains are wired to conserve energy and make quick judgments. It’s easier for your brain to stick with the familiar patterns of thought than to challenge them, even if those patterns don’t serve you. So, when you repeatedly tell yourself something, your brain locks onto it like a truth and begins to filter out anything that contradicts it. If you start asking different questions, your brain will start looking for evidence to match those. For example, instead of saying, “Nothing ever works out for me,” try asking, “What if things are actually working out for me, even in small ways?” This simple shift in perspective can help rewire your brain to seek out moments of success, progress, and growth. You start noticing the things that are working, even if they’re subtle or small, and you begin to build a new narrative for yourself. Ib - @Terra Joy 🥀

Our minds and bodies have an incredible ability to protect us. When we experience trauma or prolonged stress, we develop coping mechanisms to survive. These mechanisms become our identity. These behaviors aren’t flaws; they were survival strategies. But as we grow, they can limit us. They keep us trapped in patterns that no longer serve us, even though they once helped us feel safe. The truth is, healing isn’t about erasing these parts of ourselves. It’s about understanding them, letting go of the patterns that no longer serve us, and creating a new way of being that is not defined by our pain. To move forward, you need to start by recognizing these patterns for what they are: ways your body and mind have tried to protect you. There is no shame in them. But now, it’s time to move through them with intention. Here are a few steps to begin: 1. Observe without judgment. When you find yourself isolating or pushing people away, stop and observe. What triggered this response? Is it an old wound asking for attention? 2. Feel your feelings, not just your fears. Fear is often the loudest voice, but beneath it, there are deeper emotions. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, grief, or disappointment without trying to push them away. 3. Create safety in the present. Healing doesn’t happen in the past or future. It happens now. Ground yourself in the present moment through breathing, connecting with nature, or simply sitting with yourself. 4. Challenge your story. If your pain has been your identity for so long, it’s easy to believe it defines you. But you are not your pain. Challenge the stories you’ve told yourself about who you are. You can rewrite them. 5. Set small, compassionate goals. Take it one step at a time. Don’t pressure yourself to “fix” everything at once. Small changes add up. Celebrate every bit of progress. Healing is not about erasing your past; it’s about choosing to no longer let it control your future. You don’t have to hold onto the identity built around your pain anymore. You are allowed to let go and grow into who you are becoming.

Do you feel the intense need to be alone when you feel stressed or overwhelmed? Sometimes, the coping strategies we learned in our childhood could follow us to our adulthood and it can be hard to link the connection. If you grew up in a household where you were not validated or supported when you were struggling, you may have developed a sense of independence to get through things alone & isolate yourself to regulate your emotions and feelings in the moment. While this isn’t necessarily an unhealthy coping strategy it can become a problem when it impacts our ability to communicate with others a as well as process our own emotions. While it can be challenging to reverse this, baby steps can make it possible. The biggest thing to remember is that you are safe in the moment and in your body. If you feel comfortable slowly start communicating your feelings with people you love. This can include emotions of happiness, joy, excitement etc. as well as a way to build up the confidence to talk through all the emotions. It’s also valid to let someone know you need a minute to process before you can continue on. Take some time for trial and error, but remember we are wired for connection and other people. . . . . #MentalHealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness #therapy #therapist #mentalhealthmatters #socialanxiety #bpd #bipolar #dsm #adhd .

As a therapist, this is a connection I see a lot.

Bilateral music stimulation like you’re hearing here involves listening to music that alternates between the left and right ears. This technique is believed to be helpful for people with stress, anxiety or ADHD as it helps us reprocess certain experiences as well as promote relaxation and focus. Bilateral music stimulation may help reduce anxiety and enhance emotional regulation by activating the brain’s calming systems. The alternating music can create a sense of safety and grounding, while helping us reprocess traumatic memories. For people with ADHD, this technique can help improve attention and executive function. Some studies suggest this happens by engaging both sides of our brain which helps us increase focus. Please note that while there is research to promote the benefits of this, it is not a standalone treatment and varied based on each person ❤️ let me know what you think of this! Artist @Isabella Kensington . . . . . #MentalHealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness #therapy #therapist #mentalhealthmatters #socialanxiety #bpd #bipolar #dsm #adhd

Growing up in a home where yelling was the norm leaves a lasting imprint on us, especially when it comes to how we navigate emotions as adults. If you were often met with raised voices or tension instead of calm understanding, it’s no surprise that you might struggle with feeling safe in disagreements now. The feeling of walking on eggshells as a child can translate into anxiety as an adult, making you hyperaware of others’ emotions—constantly scanning for signs that something’s about to escalate. This vigilance, though a survival mechanism in childhood, can leave you second-guessing your own feelings, unsure whether what you’re experiencing is valid or whether you need to silence yourself to avoid conflict. In adult relationships, this can lead to shutting down or, on the flip side, over-explaining—both attempts to control or defuse the situation, even if that means losing yourself in the process. The pattern is subtle but powerful. It shapes how we show up for ourselves and others. If you find yourself navigating conversations with a sense of unease, trying to keep the peace at the expense of your own needs, it’s important to acknowledge where that comes from. Healing from this doesn’t happen overnight, but the first step is recognizing how your past still shows up in your present. It’s okay to set boundaries, trust your own emotions, and learn that disagreements don’t have to be synonymous with danger. You deserve to be heard and respected, without feeling like you need to keep the peace by compromising yourself.

If you’ve gone through periods where happiness or joy was followed by pain, loss, or disappointment, your nervous system may have adapted by associating moments of joy with danger. Your brain, always looking to protect you, interprets those joyful moments as vulnerable spaces that could lead to harm or heartache, making you more prone to avoiding happiness altogether. Some tips to help: 1. Acknowledge the Fear: The first step is recognizing that your fear of happiness isn’t irrational, it’s a learned survival mechanism. Understanding that this is a response to your past experiences can help you approach it with compassion, rather than shame. 2. Ground Yourself in the Present: When joy or happiness arises, it’s normal to feel anxious or like something bad is about to happen. Take a moment to ground yourself in the present, feel your feet on the ground, your breath in your body. This helps shift your focus from the fear of the future to the reality of the present. 3. Reframe the Narrative: Your mind may have learned to associate joy with bad outcomes, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. Begin to challenge those thoughts. Remind yourself that happiness doesn’t always lead to pain. Instead, let it be a reminder that you are worthy of good things, and you can embrace joy without fearing what comes next. 4. Somatic Practices: Trauma is stored in the body, which is why grounding techniques, deep breathing, or gentle movement can help release stored tension and regulate your nervous system. Practices like yoga, body scans, or even simple stretching can help you reconnect with your body and create space for joy. 5. Set Small Goals for Joy: Start by incorporating small moments of joy into your life, whether it’s watching a funny movie, spending time with loved ones, or doing something that makes you feel good. As you slowly build up these positive moments, your body and mind will start to recognize that happiness doesn’t always lead to danger ❤️

Most of us were never taught to recognize our own behaviors, let alone understand where they come from. Instead, we’re told to “just stop overthinking,” “be more disciplined,” or “stop caring so much.” But these behaviors aren’t random. They’re patterns, ones your brain learned for a reason. Denying them doesn’t make them go away. It just keeps you stuck, repeating cycles of procrastination, people-pleasing, perfectionism, zoning out, and self-sabotage without ever realizing why. That’s why understanding your behaviors is so important. When you recognize why you do something, you can work with yourself instead of against yourself. You can start shifting patterns instead of feeling controlled by them. This was inspired by @selfexperimenting, who dives deep into these topics and explains them in a way that’s incredibly insightful.

Relationships are a reflection of how we treat ourselves and each other. The small moments, the way we handle disagreements, give space, and show care, are what build trust. I’ve learned that it’s not about avoiding conflict, but about how we handle it. It’s about showing up for each other in ways that honor who we are, and being honest with ourselves and our partners when things get tough. We don’t play games or use each other’s vulnerabilities as weapons. We don’t expect everything to revolve around us. And we don’t throw ultimatums around when the going gets hard. At the end of the day, it’s the little things, the respect, the care, the honesty, that create something real. That’s what matters most. So, what would you add? What’s non-negotiable for you in a relationship?

A lot of the struggles we face as adults can trace back to the patterns we developed as children, patterns we didn’t even realize were shaping us and who we would be. We internalized these behaviors to survive, but they don’t serve us as adults. In order to heal, we need to remove the parts of our identity that were built from our pain. If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to change. One of the first steps to healing is recognizing these old patterns. Once you see them for what they are (survival strategies from childhood) you can start to unlearn them. Here are some ways to begin shifting: 1. Stop measuring your worth through achievements. Start practicing self-compassion by acknowledging that you are enough, just as you are, even when you’re not performing or accomplishing something. 2. Acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, upset, or frustrated. Your emotions are valid. Start expressing them, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, and practice reaching out to others instead of isolating 3. Set boundaries. Prioritize yourself. It’s okay to say no. Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s, and taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being. 4. Learn to express anger or sadness healthily. If anger or sadness was something you were shamed for, begin to acknowledge it in a safe, controlled way. It’s normal to feel these things, what matters is how you manage it. 5. Practice emotional awareness. If you’ve spent years walking on eggshells or being hyper-aware of others’ moods, it’s time to reclaim your space. You are not responsible for keeping the peace or managing others’ emotions. It’s okay to let go of that burden. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every small step you take towards breaking these old patterns is progress. You deserve to live freely and authentically, without feeling like you have to prove your worth or hide your feelings. Start with compassion for yourself and take it one day at a time. 🫶🏼

A lot of the habits we struggle with today can be traced back to our childhood experiences, especially if we grew up in environments where emotional safety was unpredictable or even toxic. When we’re young, we don’t have the tools to process our emotions or understand why certain things happen to us. So, we adapt by developing coping mechanisms—often ones that helped us survive back then but no longer serve us in adulthood. As children, we might have learned that showing vulnerability led to criticism or rejection, or that our needs and feelings didn’t matter. We may have picked up habits like people-pleasing, perfectionism, or emotional shutdowns as ways to avoid conflict, rejection, or punishment. These behaviors kept us safe and allowed us to cope in ways we thought we needed at the time, but as adults, they can hold us back from living fully and authentically. So, how do we break these patterns? 1. Acknowledge the root cause: The first step is recognizing that these habits weren’t personal flaws; they were learned coping mechanisms from our childhood. Understanding this can help us be kinder to ourselves and remove any shame attached to these behaviors. 2. Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to when these patterns show up. Are you avoiding conflict because you’re afraid of rejection? Are you overworking to avoid feeling unworthy? Identifying these triggers is key to breaking the cycle. 3. Challenge old beliefs: Often, these habits are tied to old beliefs about ourselves—like not being good enough or not deserving of love unless we’re perfect. Question these beliefs and replace them with healthier ones. Remind yourself that you are worthy just as you are, imperfections and all. 4. Create new, healthier coping strategies: Once you recognize your old patterns, start practicing new ways of coping with difficult situations. Set boundaries, say no without guilt, allow yourself to rest, and express your feelings. Small changes add up over time. 5. Seek support: Healing from childhood conditioning takes time and often requires support from others—whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted loved ones. Having a safe space to process these patterns is crucial for growth.

Acceptance is resisting the urge to over explain to get them to change their mind ❤️. . . . #MentalHealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness #therapy #therapist #mentalhealthmatters #socialanxiety #bpd #bipolar #dsm #adhd