Dr Julie | Psychologist

🖤 Best analogy for grief 🖤 There is no end point to grief. It does not get any less painful to be without your loved one. But your strength to hold it grows as you build your life around it. This is one of the most helpful ideas on grief that I often refer to for both my clients and myself. I think it allows us to be respectful to the intense pain of grief while offering hope for the future. 👉More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages For reference this is based on Tonkin’s model of grief.

👉 Hidden Trauma - Do you have Intense emotional reactions that seem extreme and disproportionate to the event that triggered it? In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) we often use the analogy of a burn or wound to help us understand how past trauma can increase sensitivity years later. When a wound is psychological the people around us often have no idea that they have touched on old wounds. So they can feel confused, fearful or angry when they witness the intense emotional reaction that appears to come out of nowhere. If we have no idea how to heal those old wounds, it is understandable that we get to work hiding them or trying to numb the pain that they can trigger. And there are plenty of things that do just that. But none of them come without a cost. The price we pay is often in our relationships, mental and physical health, and ability to be at peace when all is still and silent. Thanks for watching! Feel free to share. 👉 More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages

👉 No? Then I have an important message for you. Take this as a signal that here lies a huge opportunity for learning something that could transform the way you experience and approach life. The bad news is that if your internal narrative sounds more like a bully than a friend, it will be having negative consequences on your wellbeing. But the good news is that you have more power to change it than you think. All of it was learned. And as an adult you get to update your learning with conscious effort. Every choice that you make about how to act either reinforces your beliefs and predictions about yourself and the world, or it changes them. So, if you are to shift the way you relate to yourself and how you experience life, you must do that with your actions as well as the thoughts you focus on. Start by asking yourself the questions below: • If I was to treat myself as I treat the people I care about, what would that look like in terms of my actions and behaviour? • What would it sound like in the way I interpreted my own failings and shortcomings? • How would it show up in my interactions with other people? See if you can paint a detailed image of the concrete behaviour changes that would be necessary for this change to take place and be sustained. Let me know how you get on. Feel free to share ❤️ 👉More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages.. 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 🇮🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇦 🇦🇺 🇦🇱 🇧🇷 🇧🇬 🇭🇷 🇨🇿 🇩🇰 🇪🇪 🇫🇮 🇫🇷 🇩🇪 🇬🇷 🇭🇺 🇮🇸 🇮🇩 🇮🇱 🇮🇹 🇯🇵 🇱🇻 🇱🇹 🇲🇰 🇳🇱 🇳🇴 🇵🇱 🇵🇹 🇷🇴 🇷🇺 🇷🇸 🇸🇰 🇸🇮 🇰🇷 🇪🇸 🇸🇪 🇹🇼 🇹🇭 🇹🇷 🇺🇦 🇻🇳

👉 Important Tip - So many people assume that when they feel anxious they are not progressing. But when you have willingly taken action to step into a feared situation that stands between you and your desired future, give yourself credit for pushing in the right direction. Of course it is OK to take breaks from this and replenish along the way. Facing your fear will be exhausting as your body is working hard to produce that stress response. So, spend time in your comfort zone but keep the exposure to your fears both frequent and regular in order to see results. For anyone who has severe and enduring anxiety or associated mental health problems and unsafe coping strategies then seek professional help with this before you get started. 👉 More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages.

👉Look out for the last one. It’s a common trap. For those who find themselves wanting to leave a relationship and blaming themselves for finding it hard to break away, it’s never been as easy as you tell yourself it should be. If your partner is using any combination of these manipulations, you will be more isolated, vulnerable, and confused about how best to proceed. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because that is the effect these behaviours have on most people. Finding some form of support outside of the relationship is crucial. It helps you to get a wider perspective on the relationship. Doing that on your own is not easy. That person might be a trusted friend or family member or a professional. Learning about these types of behaviour can help you to spot them while they are happening and to see them for what they are. Feel free to share if you feel it could help someone ❤️ 👉More from me in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages.

👉 Wait till the end for how to beat it. This is something we all do. When did it last come up for you? Did you notice that it left you feeling defeated, hopeless and tempted to give up? The Domino Mindset will do that to you. This one single event suddenly seems to represent both your past and future. “Everything goes wrong for me. I’m always going to be a loser. I don’t know why I bother.” Statements like this sound like a domino mindset. It’s a cognitive bias that most clinicians call overgeneralisation. It’s when you take one single event and use it to judge past events or predict the future. You draw conclusions on things that are not necessarily justified by the event that just happened. But if you don’t notice the implicit bias in those thoughts, they will bring on a whole host of pain and struggle. But the good news is that simply spotting when your thoughts might be biased helps to take some of the power out of them . It enables you to be open to considering a different way of looking at things. 👉More tips like this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages

🟦🟪🟨 Relatable? Important tips below 👇 Thought defusion helps you get some distance from unhelpful thoughts and emotions. It’s perfect if you struggle with recurrent thoughts that impact your mood or anxiety state. It’s a technique used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). In this therapy it is not the content of the thought that is considered the problem, but our tendency to get caught up in it and fuse with it by giving it our full attention in a way that blocks out other perspectives. This gives the thought huge power over our mood, emotions and behaviour. It can impact on what you say and do, how you interact with other people, and the choices you make for your life.  Thought defusion helps to take some of the power out of a thought by giving us a little distance. It’s a bit like the moment you take a mask off your face and hold it in your hand at arm’s length. You suddenly get to see the mask in its entirety, and no longer have to see the world through that template. There are lots of different techniques to try… 1. The ‘Just noticing’ technique - Say to yourself, “I notice I am having the thought that…” before you say the thought out loud. This acknowledges that it is indeed a thought, and not a fact. 2. ‘Thanking the mind’ technique - respond to your mind with, “thank you for this idea/ feedback/suggestion.” Some people find it helpful to do this in a sarcastic way, as if you are not taking those thoughts too seriously, as the goal is to change our relationship with them, rather than block them out. 3. Write the thoughts down. For example, if you are trying to tackle high self-criticism, whenever you notice a self-critical thought, write it down on a post-it. Make sure you title that note with the type of bias you recognise it to be. For example, “Self-critical thought: I am such a ….” Remember that the goal is not to stop having the thoughts or block them out, but to ensure that they are not in the driving seat. 👉More on this in my million copy bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages

#ad 👉 The last one is the most important. ad The reason is that it will have the most fast acting and dramatic impact on your mental health if you are not getting enough. That’s why it is always a priority in therapy. But sleep cannot do it all alone. All of these defences play their crucial roles in maintaining good health so in therapy I tend to try and keep them all on the radar because they are the first things we let slide when life is busy and demanding. And what a better time to be talking about how important sleep is when the clocks are about to go forward here in the UK. This is why I’m proud to have partnered with @Samsung since trying out the Samsung Galaxy Watch6. Despite being a clinical psychologist and knowing all the things I should ideally be doing for my health, I am also a working parent of three small children and over the last 10 years I have seen each one of my own core defences put under strain. Like many others with lots of responsibilities I simply didn’t have the headspace for unravelling what needed my attention and where to start. It wasn’t until I had something that didn’t interfere with my day to quietly keep track of these things behind the scenes that I started to feel the influence of the daily reminders to make small, simple changes to improve my health. Since talking on here about my own personal efforts to improve my sleep, I also get a lot of people asking about my morning routine. There is a huge trend online of individuals talking about their preferred alarm sound, suggesting that calmer, more pleasant sounds lift your mood for the morning while a noisy alarm makes them feel irritable and stressed. I have to say there is no research on this just yet, but I personally like to use a sunrise alarm so that I gradually wake up as my room gets increasingly brighter. Then I always use The Homecoming alarm tune that doesn’t make me jump out of my skin, just gives me a nudge to let me know it’s time to get up. So I am in agreement with the crowds on this one. I am never going to be a leap out of bed type person. I need to be woken up gently so I can start the day calm.