the.littlebeast

Ever since I came across the video of @melrobbins saying "you didn't want to die, you just didn't want to feel how you felt" in response to a woman telling her she at one point wanted to die, I keep coming back to asking myself if this is a truth for me too. Most of my childhood I was consumed with the concept of death, especially between first through seventh grade, and since the suicidal thoughts started kicking in after that, I really didn't see myself existing beyond 18. And sometimes I'Il randomly remember believing that- and it's such a surreal.. feeling? I am well aware I have countless blessings to be grateful for, and that I am continuing to manifest more and more blessings into my life; and I do wholeheartedly believe that this thing called life is so so unfathomably beautiful. But when my mental health does take a hit and I find mself struggling to get out of a dark and or blurry place as I do frequently, over time I just mastered masking the inner turmoil and sense of defeat on the outside. Yes I'm slowly learning to speak more openly about mental health struggles, but I still feel the need to hold back disclosing that I have thoughts of not wanting to be here on a very regular basis. Because why. So then I ask myself, "do you really want the out and are you ready to go through with it, or do you simply not want to feel how you're feeling when your brain and body are experiencing those thoughts. And I have yet to discern which it is. In the meantime, we shall keep showing up within the best of our capacities and find joy and purpose in the little things #LoveBigLiveBig Belt + the knee sleeves I'm using as shin guards @VILLAGE HIDDEN IN IRON code: littlebeast

I’m finding that spark in me againnnn 🥹 we’re about 10lbs lighter starting this new training block than I was the last time I touched this weight, and I’m actually feeling solid. I’m already excited for Monday because I’m so excited to squat again and I haven’t felt that excitement in a cool minute! Also also squatting without a mirror again this block to get myself ready in that aspect too for when I decide I’m ready to compete again 😌 前回三百五パウンドスクアットできた時は体重が十パウンドほど増えてたので今の体重で同じ力を出せるのはすごく嬉しいですね☺️ 新しいトレーニングブロック始めたばかりなので大会の練習のため、鏡無しでこれからスクアットしまーす．こんなにトレーニングするのに楽しみに感じるのがすごく久しぶりですごくありがたい気持ち🤗 @CelsiusOfficial #celsiusbrandpartner #celsiuslivefit

Never going back to how I used to put wrist wraps on 😂 Wrist wrap (and my belt, knee sleeves, and wrist straps) by @VILLAGE HIDDEN IN IRON code | littlebeast

Nooo because the way the top set felt, I thought 320lbs would be a STRUGGLEEE!! 😭 but then it felt so much easier than expected so we went for 6 then increased the weight to 335lbs for my next backdown set 💀💀 @Neuro Gum really brought my brain back to life because where did this focus come from after my top set 😤🧠🔐 code | littlebeast

365lbs. 125lbs bodyweight. Preworkout • Creatine • Protein @Legion Athletics code | littlebeast @Darc Sport fit code | littlebeast

Femininity can be and look like anything you want. There's no right way to tap into and express our femininity so we might as well define it ourselves and embrace what feels best to us 😚👑💫 #feminineenergy #divinefeminine

Currently benching 3 times a week again! Road to 2 plates is onnn 😤❤️‍🔥 Top sets 🤝🏽 @Neuro Gum Perfect way to lock in 🔐 code | littlebeast

Getting mentally more and more comfortable and confident with touching 200lbs AHHHH 🤭😄🥳👏🏽 sports bra + cargo sweats @Darc Sport code LITTLEBEAST wrist wraps @VILLAGE HIDDEN IN IRON code LITTLEBEAST #powerliftingwomen #powerliftingarch #powerliftingbench

Tempo bench for time under tension and practice controlling the weight the whole way through (i tend to psyche myself out with heavier weights and change form so this is to drillllll in keeping the same form no matter the weight). @Darc Sport Cyber Monday drop tmw! The Punisher + With Valor 11.27 6pm PST code | littlebeast Wrist wraps @VILLAGE HIDDEN IN IRON code | littlebeast

Training hard is the easy part— being on top of the food is where I really need to push myself to stay on top of trying to put on weight 😭 2 scoops protein + creatine + pre by @Legion Athletics code | LITTLEBEAST

Building a body ready to hit new PRs in 2024 😤💪🏽 Fit is Darc on Darc on Darc @Darc Sport code | littlebeast #powerliftingwomen

I’VE BEEN WONDERINGGGGG HOW THE GIRLS WERE DOING THIS!!!! Okay okayyyy Haha post workout shenanigans part 2 😂 #heelsdance

300lbs at 121lbs bodyweight. 136kg スクアット、体重55kg. Belt & knee sleeves by @VILLAGE HIDDEN IN IRON code | littlebeast

Post workout shenanigans

We can progress in anything when we look at it with a growth mindset 😊 #mobility #powerliftingwomen

Not me almost missing my lockout! No no nooo ☝🏽😤 Preworkout • Creatine • Protein @Legion Athletics code | littlebeast Full fit by @Darc Sport code | littlebeast belt by @VILLAGE HIDDEN IN IRON code | littlebeast

Upper body work. Training split is improvised while I'm in Japan and I'm just working out for maintenance at the moment 😌 日本にいる間はトレーニングスプリットがいつもと違うけどとりあえず筋肉キープするだけのためにトレーニングしてます。向こうでは週3回ベンチしてるけど今は上半身下半身に分けてます。 @Neuro Gum for mental focus and endurance. トレーニングとか集中するのにぴったり。 code | littlebeast

AGHHHH I’M SO HAPPY 405LBS IS BACK!!! 🥹 the accessory work we’ve been incorporating in this block has been humbling but perfectly specific to my weak points AND IT’S FINALLY PAYING OFF 😭🥳👏🏽🕺🏽 So excited to start repping 4 plates! @CelsiusOfficial #celsiusbrandpartner #celsiuslivefit

I love being a woman 🥰 and I love that there’s ways to find beauty in the polarity of everything including my very existence ☯️💫 筋トレしてると今でもよく男らしくなるとか筋肉女は気持ち悪いって黙ってればいいのに口挟む人がたまーにいるけど本当に筋トレしたり踊ったり、女の人として好きなように動けるなんてすごくありがたい気持ち☺️💖 dance clips from class with @eazycece_ 👠 #heelsdance #heelsclass #feminineenergy

We show up for ourselves and those that couldn’t 🙌🏽💛 @Darc Sport full fit 🐺 code | littlebeast